Cruising in Covid Times

 It’s been interesting travel during what I hope is the end of the COVID pandemic times. Obviously, Covid is still going on. We knew we would just need to stay flexible. We’re going to be in a lot of different countries with different rules. We’re gone a long time, so some things will change while we’re out. For better or worse.

But, it has been fascinating to see how the countries do things differently.

In order to get on the boat in Florida, we needed to be fully vaxxed and show a negative test from 2 days before boarding.

Once we got to Portugal, we were given a form to complete which was pretty much a copy of our vax cards- including the dates of the shots. Masks were required inside.

In Spain, we were allowed to bop around all Spain stops with masks inside until Barcelona. For some reason, before Barcelona, we all had to take Covid tests. Unless you were getting off ship and…get this…staying in Spain. Those people didn’t have to take tests. How does that make sense?

In France, we didn’t have to do anything except masks inside and often people weren’t following that.

In Italy, the police and health department surprise boarded the boat when we arrived and immediately the entire boat had to put on KN95 masks (which they gave us for free). We had to wear them all day with an option to remove them when we were outside. We also had to take covid tests again. We also have to carry our vaxx cards, our KN95 masks (no other mask is acceptable), and a “passenger locator form”. Italy isn’t messing around.

The first time the boat tested us, 6 people tested positive out of 3800 people. The are using the 8th floor as quarantine. It is completely sealed off and the 6 people who are positive are ruling that deck. It’s probably kind of fun, really. They said none of them are really sick. 

We haven’t heard yet how many tested positive yesterday. Will be interesting to see. We did pick up 1400 new people in Barcelona. I’m not sure if they all had to test negative to board, but I’m guessing so. 

All things considered, it’s not been too big a deal. The boat is VERY clean. They are taking very good care of it. They are trying VERY hard to keep up with the constantly changing rules in every country. They give us everything we need. Imagine trying to keep up with it all? It’s exhausting to even think about. 

Our guide yesterday in Genoa, Italy, said that Italy’s restrictions are ending today. I wasn’t clear if that included the masks or not. We’ll find out today when we stroll into Rome! 

Let’s Blast The Time Capsule!

 Now, during our last sabbatical, we tried to send our niece and nephews a post card from every stop. Mostly. Our way of sharing the world and, hopefully, encouraging them to come see it for themselves one day. We are doing that again this time. So, we’ve already mailed our postcards from Portugal and Spain. Fresh off the tobacco shop in France for stamps, we were ready to send those out. There is a drop box by the front desk that’s marked MAIL. Easy.

Therein began the scene of me cracking up the whole front area of the boat the other day.

I stroll up with the day’s stash of postcards and deftly move to slide them into the mail slot when a ship officer starts walking towards me quickly, “Ma’am! Don’t do that!” Well. Ok. 

He says they don’t use the mail slot. Rather, just hand the postcards to someone at the front desk. I said, “ok, well, When did that change?” He said, “we never use this.” I said, “well, can you get in there and remove all the postcards I’ve already “sent”?” His eyes got large. “One moment, ma’am.”

Strange, I think. 

He comes back with a key. The key does not work.

“The thing is,” he says to me, “We don’t have a key for this.”

Strange, I think.

“No key?”

“No.”

By now, we have a crowd watching. This is making my new friend Ecer from Nicaragua nervous, but I’m good with a crowd.

So I said, “Ecer. When’s the last time there was a key?”

“I don’t have a key.”

“Yes. But, have you ever?”

“No.”

“Ecer!” I screamed. “We have a time capsule here! We must blast this sucker open. There could be historical writings in here! LEtters from the grave! Who knows!”

“Maybe it is just yours, ma’am. No one uses this.”

“Ecer. To be fair. I personally have used it 3 times already. What are the chances not a single other person has?”

Ecer has no words.

At this point, 3 members of the crowd join in the call to bust open the time capsule. One points out to Ecer that if this isn’t a usable mail slot, they could at least tape over it. Or hang a sign. Something. Anything. 

Then, Ecer really throws a wrench in it and tells me his name is pronounced ee- sir. So I said, “ee-sir, you are now destroying everything I know about Spanish. You’ve claimed my postcards for your time capsule. What’s next?”

He said, “I will call you.”

And, he never called.

Now we wait. Will the letters from Portugal and Spain ever arrive? What year will it be? Does Ecer even speak Spanish? Is there really not a key? So many mysteries.

Last night I was walking through the Lido cafe and one of my time capsule brethren ran up. “I have to ask- did they get your post cards out of the time capsule?” “Who knows,” I said, “My man Ecer didn’t call me yet!”

Becoming Famous. And Irish. Also Catholic.

 The wine dinner was great fun- we already knew most of the group but met 2 new couples. One just moved to Tennessee and are in a lot of wine clubs, including several in Paso. The other couple has retired in Virginia. He was a marine and then a government contractor. He and Kelly, also a former marine, had a great time telling stories later.

So, as we walked into Alfredos, the pizza joint where you meet up before the wine dinner, we were the last couple to arrive. We sat down and this guy goes, “hey, are you the wine maker?” Apparently, word has spread all around the ship. They said some bar tenders told him there was a wine maker on the ship AND that his wife was very nice. (That’s me, in case you aren’t following!) HA! Now, Jason has been trying to always clarify his role- Nick is the winemaker at Nicora. Jason works in the cellar helping Nick make the wine. These people aren’t having it. Finally Jason said, ‘listen, I just don’t want anyone showing up at Nicora and saying hey! I met Jason the wine maker and having Nick say- oh really?” Hahaha! 

So, the next morning, we woke up in France. This was originally the excursion we were most looking forward to. The first one we booked. Really, the only one we’d booked until the week before. We were going to have a private driver/ guide take us into the Chateauneuf du Pape wine region for tastings. It was going to be a long day because the drive there alone is at least 90 minutes each way. Anyway, the tour got cancelled. SO SAD! The reason that region was so alluring to us is they are the Rhone wine area- the same grapes Paso is known for. We know them well. 

So, with the tour cancelled, we arrived in Marseille with no agenda other than to step foot in the south of France, eat some food and drink some wine. Of course. It was a very rainy day so we were all bundled in jackets with raincoats on top. We paid for the shuttle bus to take us to city center. Generally, you can walk out of port into town but they highly discouraged it this time because it was a 15 minute drive and not pedestrian friendly- so that would be a long, dangerous walk.

We get on the bus and head in. All was fine until the bus pulled over in an area with absolutely nothing around from what we could see in either direction. How could this be the drop off? Nothing was said. No maps. No directions. However, we happened to be sitting behind a Norwegian man who was speaking French and for that reason alone, we thought we’d follow him for awhile because at least he could read the signs. Never mind that we didn’t know where he was trying go. We didn’t know where we were trying to go either!

We found our way to a waterfront area full of bars and restaurants. It wasn’t the ‘old port’ or market area we were hoping to stumble upon, but if we didn’t find anything else, it would do! Of course, it was all of…maybe 10-10:30 so nothing was open. It was raining pretty good at this point so we just walked. We came upon a large cathedral that was beautiful. 

Finally, the rain let up enough to where we could at least pull our hoods down which greatly helps when you are trying to look up at things! I never did find the fish market but I did later find Mike, the retired Marine, who said he found it and it wasn’t actually that cool.

About that time, we bumped into our English friends Maggie and Jack. I promise you every time Jack speaks, I die laughing. Here’s how it went, with the full language used, pardon our French.

We see each other.

Me: Hello!

Jack: Bon sua!

Maggie: No, it’s not nighttime. It’s bon jour.

Jack: Oh hell the French are such assholes. Everyone of them.

Maggie: No they aren’t.

Jack: take my word for it. The whole country. Assholes. 

Laughter. 

By this time, we’d wandered enough for the restaurants to be open so we went hunting for a good spot. We wanted to try the bouillabaisse (fish soup) that the area is known for. However, man! That is some expensive soup! One place wanted 69 euros for it. Imagine paying $80 bucks for a bowl of soup! That soup better have flakes of gold. It better change your life. Cure cancer. Enlighten you. Grant you three wishes. You get the point.

So, we picked a place after chatting a bit with one of the waiters who came to explain the sidewalk posted menu. Our table was outside facing the marina, but under cover in case it started to rain. We enjoyed a great bottle of French wine. It was still quite cheap, but definitely more than Spanish wine. I can hear what Jack would say about that.

We were trying to pick something to eat when this man walked up and sat behind us and started talking to us. Confession- we assumed he was a vagrant of some sort. Mostly based on his number of teeth. Which was quite minimum. 4, I believe. But anyway, we tried to listen for a moment and then turn away back to our table. He kept going. Our waiter came by and seemed to tell him to pipe down- but it in a very nice, respectful way. They both laughed.

And then something very interesting happened. We were probably there an hour or so. The entire time, every person who walked by, knew this man. They all talked to him. Some fist bumped. Some he called, “mon ami” which in all of my French knowing means my love. (Also, I don’t know any French)  This toothless man was like the freakin mayor. Ok, not the real mayor, but that’s what the kids say when a person knows and is known by everyone. 

Also, he kept talking to us. He “knew” that Jason was Irish because of his red beard. So he wanted to discuss whether he was from Belfast or Dublin. After a quick private consult, we decided Dublin was the safer bet so Jason became from Dublin. Then, he became Catholic. So, that was an interesting turn of events.

We found a Christmas ornament and some postcards- though we had to go to the tobacco shop for the stamps. Who knows why that would be. Then, we were ready to head on back to the bus.

I’m sad about our original tour and sad that I could have seen the lavender fields in Provence. I almost bought some lavender soap- that seemed to be the high in demand item from the area. But then I realized, I can make that myself! I’ve been wanting to plant lavender, which grows very well in our area. We are planning to come back to France and spend more time; we could see the rhone area, but also Bordeaux and Burgundy. That sounds pretty great.

Oh, I forgot! As we were walking, we came across a little shop that seemed to somehow be a chocolate and olive oil place. We went in to investigate and that’s exactly what it was! The lady working thankfully spoke pretty good English so she told us about the olive oil. We bought a little bottle. She asked if we wanted a sample of chocolate so we said why not! I am so glad we did!! Get this!! It is made with olive oil. No butter or cream. WHAT!!!! And it was absolutely delicious. So, now my enterprising brain is planning to make lavender soap and chocolate. See how this works?

Back on the boat, we ran into our New Mexico buddies Rich and Ginny whom we’ve been hanging out with since the first wine maker dinner. Our main man James saw us and brought us wine even though Vines wasn’t open yet. So, we accidentally sat there all day and drank 3 bottles of wine. This is mostly Rich and Ginny’s fault, of course, because they found a GSM they liked at the winery they visited and bought it to share with us. (This is a red blend of Grenache, Syrah, and Mourvèdre grapes- very common in Paso.) We all decided to go have a pizza up in Alfredos for an early dinner because you have to soak up the wine with something. However, we got delayed going up there because another couple we’d met, who have retired in Montana but originally from Texas, came by and we got distracted talking to them. 

Oh, this reminds me. So, the previous sea day, we walked down to Vines before the art auction to turn in our coveted wine glasses from the night before. A couple at the bar lit up when they saw us and were like, “YEAH! There you are! We are bringing a wine we want to share with you.” At this point, I’m like- a) it’s 11 am b)who are these people? And c)ok. 

Somehow, they’d heard of us. I have to say, we don’t have any need to be famous, but it is pretty cool to have random people want to share their wine with us. They’d opened a 2007 Silver Oak Cabernet. Who doesn’t like a Napa cab at 11 am before the art auction? Sign me up. It was pretty good! Aged well. Thanks, Laura and Bob!

We still have 5 of the original 8 bottles we brought to share. One of them we are planning to share with Rich and Ginny for sure. We’ll see what unfolds with the rest. I guess we could host a general Paso red tasting. The first Nicora tasting was a big hit, after all.

Anyway, back to the end of the day in France- we decided to take a chill night and stayed in the room and ordered some room service. Every once in awhile, you have to take it easy. And, Italy was coming!

Gibraltar! No. Valencia! No. Malaga! again! For the first time!

 The day after Barcelona was schedule to a day at sea- and frankly, we needed some downtime after walking all of the city! Now, the night before, the captain popped onto the loudspeaker to announce that we were no longer going to Gibraltar. Despite not being too excited to go there, I was really bummed to not being able to go. For one thing, when we last passed through the straights of Gibraltar, it was between midnight and 2 am. Meaning, I didn’t experience it because I was sleeping. I was SUPER excited to see it. But, alas…it would not be. 

Now, the captain had good news- while the wind wouldn’t allow us to dock in Gibraltar, Valencia wanted us! Wow! Talk about a bonus. We were never supposed to go there. Cool!! 

So, a few hours later, Valencia changed their minds. I guess our reputation preceded us. We would not be going there. But- aha! More good news. We could now go to Malaga! Again - for the first time! Woohoo!

Cue the grumpy people in line at the shore excursion desk. Sigh. 

The crew really hustled to try to get excursions together- but it just wasn’t working to see them in the app, the computer, the big screens around the ship. We tried a little bit and then decided - who cares? We’ll just walk around! We’ve had really good luck with this- even including the missed excursion in Barcelona. 

We enjoyed our day at sea. It’s nice to have quieter, less busy days. We don’t have to jump up and get going early. You just do whatever, whenever. But on purpose. There is almost always an art auction on sea days and we love these. Oddly, my dad got me into these years ago. I say oddly, because my dad and I have always had the same view on art. We like what we like, which isn’t everything. We don’t like art museums. Unless you count us standing in the back making fun of everything. Which is pretty cool, if I’m being honest. But, for my high school graduation, I chose a cruise to Hawaii over a computer (remember when they were THAT expensive? I’m old.) on the boat day one, we heard there would be art auctions. I was surprised when my dad was like - oooh, those are great! For one, you seem to always get free Champagne. It’s fun. Have you ever been to an auction? Man! There is cool stuff that happens! Anyway, that is what started it for me.

These days, there is no art auction I don’t go to. Also, I buy art. Really, who am I? I don’t know. I’m not buying art from the classical artists. The masters. Oh, no. I buy what I like - which is actually what “they” recommend.

This brings up a great story about one of my favorite painters. His name is Michael Goddard. I first became familiar with him when I lived in Las Vegas. Makes sense because he lives in Las Vegas and he makes splashy, sexy sort of paintings - usually with olives in martini glasses. That type of thing. He’s the rock in roll guy of the painting world. 

One particular year, the Australian casino gaming company I was working for commissioned him to create the artwork for new slot machines. Imagine them in all their olive greatness. SO COOL! And, even better, he showed up at our Christmas party. With Vince Neil. And I met him. Which was SOCOOL. But the best part of the evening was, for whatever reason, my parents were in town and I asked if I could bring them and was told yes. So, we went to enter the party and all the sudden, they had to sign in and there was a column asking what casino they were from. In a panic, one casino came to mind. The funniest name I’d ever heard (no disrespect to any tribe- I’m just a 12 year old boy inside). Ho Chunk. That was the night I escorted two members of Ho Chunk around and met Michael Goddard. 

Flash forward a few years (plus 10. Plus more). We go on our first sabbatical and take a 31 day cruise. I see the art auctions and to Jason’s shock, I said, “we have to go to those!” And we did. Every single one. And, the day we arrived to auction #1, I see Michael Goddard art. WHAT??? I didn’t expect to buy art. Or even like art. But, there we were, a captive audience in the South Pacific. Buying art.

Flash forward 5 more year. Somehow, I’m on a cruise across the Atlantic on another long sabbatical cruise. And, AND, this time, inexplicably, I own an olive ranch. And Jason works in a wine cellar making wine. Oh, did I mention that Michael Goddard’s other main figure in paintings beyond the olive is…a grape? WHAT?

Needless to say, I love this artist.Take my money.

But, back on track here - we arrived in Malaga sometime while we were sleeping. Oh, this reminds me. Our room can’t get cool enough. We’ve been trying to figure out a way to be comfy sleeping when it is always 70 some degrees and we have a down comforter on the dang bed. Who came up with the idea of that? And why did every hotel, cruise ship and whatever offering a bed decide to follow? A) it is hard to clean. Have you ever washed a duck? Or is it a goose? Who cares? You can’t wash water fowl. And b) it is hot as hell. This is only appropriate 3% of the time and I’m not traveling on those days. Anyway, we have started sleeping with our balcony door left wide open. This provides a tremendous, cool breeze. So much so that one night we ordered wine to the room and when I attempted to open the door, the entire tray of stuff, minus the wine glasses, blew off and littered the hallway. HAHAHAH. I said - one moment please…slammed the door in her face (as though there was any way I could control it), ran back to close the slider, ran back and opened the main door again. And we both burst into laughter.

This is also when I began having nightly nightmares of rats crawling up the ship walls and into our room. But, I digress.

Our plan for Malaga was the new usual- walk off. Walk around. Get lost. Eat, drink. Walk back before the boat leaves. Bam. 

As we walked off, there was a hop on hop off bus right there waiting. We briefly considered it. But the town seemed small ish. Walkable. So very not Barcelona. On we walked. It was about 10 am and the city was almost, just barely, waking up. Imagine any city in North America on a work day at 10 am. Everything would be open. Nothing here was open. Even some coffee shops were just opening up! Clearly, I was not born to be a Spanish person. I’m living the wrong time of the day.

We quickly got into town and followed our eyes through garden after garden. We were inspired with ideas for our front yard back home - citrus trees, wild flowers, a small fountain. So beautiful. 

We made our way around into the bustling alleys and cobblestone streets with the restaurants and bars. This is now forever sealed in my mind as a quintessential Spanish city vibe. I LOVE IT. Sort of spur of the moment, we decided to go to the Picasso museum. Why not! (Unless it was too expensive - which it wasn’t at 12 euro for the entire museum, special collections and all).

After, we set out to find a place for tapas and wine. This became oddly difficult because nothing was open yet for lunch…at almost 12 noon. And, what was open were the bars (I’m pro-bar, don’t get me wrong) but they had the most uncomfortable looking seating you can imagine, and I was planning to sit there for hours. This mattered. We went round and round. Past the same homeless dog three times (I love him.)figured out the streets, revisited the menus. Finally picked one and as we were sitting, we were told they weren’t doing food that day. Well. Ok. Round and round we went again.

Finally, we found a place! When the waiter came, I asked about local wine and he apologized and said he didn’t speak a lot of English. Well! I’ve trained my whole life for this - I happen to know Spanish. 

In a split second of time, my brain did this really marvelous thing. Like seriously, fist bump to my brain. First, it went straight back to Senora Falk’s 10th grade Spanish class when she taught us how to “circumnavigate” language. The idea is you will get into a conversation and not know how to say what you need to say. But, what CAN you say? How can you circumnavigate around to it? Honestly, I’ve learned a lot of great things in my studies- through two master’s degrees…but this is one of the best. Back to the tapas restaurant in Malaga. Do I know how to say, “What wines do you have from this region?” Well, nothing came to mind. What did come to mind was, “what wines are near to here?” Did that work? Heck yes it did. BAM. GRACIAS, SENORA FALK! 

We ordered up our tapas, cracked open our wines that were near to here and enjoyed sitting in a quieter alley in Malaga Spain on a cloudy day. What’s not to love??

After, we started to meander back toward the boat, because I’d seen another bodega near the water I wanted to visit. We passed by an amazing cathedral just at the right time when the bells started to ring. We enjoyed more local wine near the water before walking back to the boat. A wonderful day in Malaga. A beautiful, clean, charming little city on the south coast of Spain. Highly recommend!

We were pretty tired back on boat and didn’t want to risk another 2 hour dinner in the dining room so we, hilariously, ordered 2 hot dogs to the room for dinner. They showed up just that - hot dogs and buns. No condiments. No nothing else. Well then. Ok!

Today was a sea day. Another quiet day to attend the art auction, relax. Catch up on writing. Not hustle. This is the last one for awhile. Tomorrow we hit France, then immediately off to Italy and we’re really off to the races from there. I’m looking forward to every minute of it.

But first, we have another wine maker dinner tonight. I think half the crowd are our usual group of friends. We’ll see who else we’ll get to meet! Pray for my liver. 

Barcelona, Sort of

 The next day, we were up and bright and early for our secret food tour in Barcelona. Now, had some issues from the get go. The first one was it said the time of the tour was 30 minutes after the boat docks. Well, the boat docked at 5 am and I was pretty sure that 5:30 wasn’t going to be the start time. This doesn’t, of course, help us know what the start time is and this was another American Airlines excursion so there wasn’t anyone to ask. So, we did what anyone would do which is guess that it was probably 9:30. We picked this because a) usually the boat docks around 7 so it wouldn’t be before then. And b) nothing in Spain opens before 9. So. There you have it.

That said, we walked off the boat at whatever time. Somehow, we seemed unconcerned at this point. We decided to walk out off the pier after consulting a map that estimated the walking time to be about 18 minutes. Well, about an hour later we made it out of the port after having to turn around and backtrack when some kind soul let us know you couldn’t actually get out that way. Cool. We were over 10,000 steps by the time we walked on a sort of pedestrian friendly bridge over the ocean. In the rain. W00t!

Now, we fell into our second problem which was the directions that AA listed for how to find the tour meeting spot. We were fresh off the subpar directions in Mallorca, so we tried to be smart. Again. But still, no google. It’s amazing how helpful looking at actual directions is! Ha!

So, we followed the directions for another hour, which is to say nothing in our directions matched what was on the paper so we just made it up and kept walking. That was pretty great. We saw all kinds of things- beautiful architecture, yachts, the city, people out walking, dogs…and also quite inexplicably, an enormous statue of a prawn. No joke, that weird thing must have been 20 feet in the air. We saw it coming for like…the entire sail across the Atlantic. I kept saying, “What could that possibly be?” At times it looked like the brown Gumby. Other times it looked like a skinny Chewbacca. Imagine my surprise at it being a large shrimp.

Anyway, after clearing that up, we crossed the street and continued to get nowhere, and not even fast. Finally, we decided to hop in a cab. So, we go over to one and I show him our stupid instructions and he says, “no.” This is an unwanted theme in my life really. My inability to have a cab take me places. So, we converse in broken Spanish. Well, I did. His was quite good. He said it was close. I said how close - how much walking time? He said 5 minutes- to the derecho. I slapped him in the arm and gasped, “No!” He said, “yes!” And then I got out of the cab. 

So, we walked about 5 minutes to the derecho (the right) and found ourselves back with the damn Shrimp who was clearly mocking us with his stupid face. Jason sat down to see if there was any free city WiFi…if so, we could use google maps to try to get somewhere. And, viola! We were only a few blocks away, by a sheer miracle. So, we busted a move over to the Placa de Angel, which sounds like a heavenly garden, but was actually a very busy city corner with a subway stop.

Thus began problem 3 which was mostly that we were now in the right spot but we didn’t know if the tour had already left. And there was no way to know. So we did what one does in such a situation. We stood around. We looked this way. Then that way. We discussed this issue which in no way resolved anything. We realized it was now 11:30, which is neither 5:30 nor 9:30. Jason tried to call the number on the ticket. Nothing happened. So, we finally just meandered away in a slightly dejected, slightly confused, sort of way. That lasted about 3 minutes and then we were revived by the thought that we can still eat and drink in Barcelona all day! And maybe get a refund on the busted tour. 

Barcelona is such a fun city! There is all the architecture. The little alleys. The side streets bursting with tiny little cafes, tapas restaurants, bars, shops, hair salons…everything! We just got lost an meandered up and down, around and through. We were starting to get pretty hungry…now up to 20,000 steps. So, my internal compass that has never presented itself before that moment fired up and I said let’s go over here to Las Ramblas, the big main drag through town, and sit and eat and drink and people watch. Then, we’d know how to find the ship again when we were done. 

So, we did! Now, it was slightly drizzling all day and everyone was smoking like a house on fire so we ended up sitting inside a place rather than on the patio outside. We were the only people inside and we could see outside to the dreamy, raining, busy street scenes which looked exactly like every painting of such a thing you’ve ever seen.

We got a tapas platter to share, a great bottle of wine, and he brought us tomato bread and garlic bread. Neither was what we expected. Both were delicious. Our breath on the other hand- not delicious. 

Once done, we started the very long walk back to the boat which was thankfully right where we left it 28,000 steps ago. 

Back on ship, we decided to do dinner in the dining room. We almost always do this. However, part of the crew turned over that day in Barcelona (in addition to 1500 people disembarking). And, let’s say the new crew weren’t quite in sync yet. Dinner is usually a well oiled machine. That night, it took 2 hours. I was about to have to tape my eyeballs open. We were so tired after that, we couldn’t even get a night cap! Well, that’s only sort of true. Ok, that’s not true at all. What is true is that we didn’t hang out in Vines. We just grabbed a bottle from our man James and went to the room. 

We are glad we get 4 days in Barcelona on the way back. There is much to see and explore and we will have a hotel and- maybe- access to google maps then!

Oh- btw- we saw Kelly and Helaine on the street in Barcelona! We weren’t robbed or squirted with mustard or thrown a baby by the damned Chilean pickpockets, but it was comforting to see them on the streets just in case. 

The Damned Chilean Pickpockets and the Caves of Drach

 DAY 2 in Mallorca, we have an excursion to the “caves of drach”. I don’t really know what this is, but the name was so cool I couldn’t NOT book it. You know what I’m saying. 

We booked this excursion through American Airlines Cruises, which has been our secret for years to racking up a gazillion miles. They have tons of excursions and often at a smaller price and with a smaller crowd. Good, yes? 

Well, we’re learning some reasons why we should have just booked through Princess this time for excursions. In this instance, we got the “ticket’ from AA and it had directions to the pick up place. When you come in to port on a boat, it is very hard to tell  where you actually are. I mean, you literally can’t see the shore, the city, the walking path…whatever…sometimes from your view on the boat. So, you have to make a quick decision. Do we just blindly walk out? Or, do we pay to go somewhere? 

Now, in this case, we’d been into town the day before so we weren’t totally stupid. So, we walked off the boat and over to the taxi stand and tried to make sense of the walking directions on our ticket. We looked at the map on the bus stop. We stood there and looked around. Nothing made sense. Finally, we realized there wasn’t a good way to figure it out (and please remember we have no WiFi off boat, so we can’t google it) so we decided to take a cab. We walked over to the taxi line and showed the instructions to the next cab driver in line. He looked. He pondered. He asked another cabi. And then he said, “no.” Ok cool. Apparently, the meeting spot was, “just right there” (gestures to a 15 story building in the distance). 

After another moment or two, we agreed that we would take the cab even though it was a short distance because we just needed to know we could get to the right spot in time. Off we went on about a 10 minute ride which cost us 8 euro. It was hilarious when we got out of the cab because we were right in front of a Tony Romas, the subpar American rib chain. Of all the places- why?? Ha! We had a few minutes so we popped into a little Spanish cafe staffed by an Asian family and Jason had a fabulous cup of coffee while we waited for the bus.

The bus arrived right on time but half the passengers did not so unfortunately, we ended up sitting on the bus for over an hour before everyone was accounted for and then the drive was an additional hour. The countryside was absolutely beautiful- chock full of lemons, oranges, olives, vineyards, sheep…it looked so untouched and perfect!

When we got to the entrance for the caves of drach, there were quite a few other tour buses and personal vehicles in the large parking lot. Everything has been so empty- I was hoping it wouldn’t be crowded in the cave. We were told it would take about an hour and to meet up with the bus when we were done. Ok, easy enough. And with that, we began descending down the stairs into the cave.

Almost immediately, we were in stalactites and stalagmites central! Holy cow! The cave was mostly an easy walk- decently wide pathways. Lots of stairs. No “easy” route. There were staff members frequently throughout who just quietly stood and observed. Everyone proceeded at their own pace and there was no talking or guide, per se.

Almost at the end, we came into a large section of the cave that had a small grouping of benches. We quietly all found a seat and waited. After a moment, a staffer came onto the mic and made a short announcement in 5 languages (Spanish, English, French, German, and possibly Italian). Basically, we were asked to stay seated and not to take any pictures or video.

Then, the lights all went out. The cave was dark and entirely silent. And then, from what felt like way far away, we started to see a tiny amount of light. And could begin to detect music. For the next 10 minutes, one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen and heard happened. Slowly, a row boat lit up with white lights, eased through the lake in the cave. Seated in it were 5 musicians playing classical music. 2 additional row boats followed just adding a little more light. The boats rowed silently passed us and eventually turned and came back for one more pass. Each part of the cave they rowed through came alive with music and lights- both just bouncing off the little nooks and crannies in the most magical of ways. I think my mouth just hung open the entire time and a few tears slid down my cheeks because it was just entirely magical.

After, we got to choose to take a boat out or walk. We wanted to take the boat initially, but we realized that was going to take a long time because everyone wanted to do that and there were 2 boats and neither was big. So, we walked out, which is to say UP out of the cave. Whew! 

We had about 20 minutes before we needed to meet the bus and we were starving so Jason grabbed us a sandwich to share and a glass of some local red wine. The sandwich was clearly fresh baked “French” bread, prosciutto, and olive oil to drizzle over like a condiment. That’s it. And, it was so incredibly tasty. The wine was delicious, as well. I was ready for the long ride back and a chance to maybe take a little nap!

Our bus guide also spoke 4-5 languages and everything he said required repeating in all the languages. It was a nice refresh for my brain on my Spanish and German. As we raced back, trying to make up time because we were running late, the guide sprung into action and found a way to dump off the passengers who were all late in the morning at a different spot. He thought that would shave off time. We knew we were still going to be hours ahead of the onboard call time so we weren’t nervous but we were ready to get off the bus!  2 stops before ours, our guide stood up, shouted goodbye, and hopped off. Well. That was weird! And, we didn’t get to tip him! Anyone who has to speak 4-5 languages all day long deserves a tip. 

We walked back to the ship. We realized why we didn’t think it was doable to walk in the morning - mostly because there was no sidewalks and you had to cross a bridge and a roundabout. But, it wasn’t too crowded so we made our way and it only took 10-15 minutes. 

We were meeting the crew at 7 for drinks before dinner at 8 so I thought I had time to do a load of laundry. The machines are like large, commercial appliances so I decided we could do one massive load. Well. The dryer disagreed. I had to run everything through twice, which was annoying to me but even more annoying to the ladies all waiting on dryers. And, a pair of my underwear decided this was a great moment to unravel itself and tie everything else into a series of bizarre knots. I really enjoyed untying everything with my underwear strings in front of a crowd of grumpy women. But, I am known for always having a good time, right? 

Fresh off the underwear debacle, I was back in the room before really noticing that Jason’s jeans, khaki pants and socks were actually not really dry. And, of course, the grumpy women were now using the dryers. Oops. I was sure hoping he had another pair of pants to wear to dinner that night. Turns out, he decided to try a new way to stay cool and he wore the damp khakis. Ha!

So, we get down to Vines and Richard and Siobhan rolled in. Shortly after, Debbie and Mike arrived- they are another Irish couple who have a home in California south of us and in Lake Como, Italy. And then, an English couple arrived to round out the group. We hadn’t met them yet, but I’m so glad we did. So, everyone else was “club class” meaning they were staying in a suite or have a high elite status on Princess, so they have access to a private dining room. They got clearance for us riff raff to go along with them. Interesting, it is the same as the main dining room menus, with a bonus option every night. 

This group had me in absolute hysterics. I thoroughly love Irish and Bristish senses of humor. So dry and witty. One zinger after another. Plus, their natural phrases and timing gets me every time. I just laughed my head off the entire evening. One really funny thing is Siobhan realized she had been calling Jason the wrong name the day before. Somehow, we didn’t notice this. Apparently, she called him Jimmy. Or Justin. Or random J names. So, now she was just going to keep calling him Jimmy (Jim-uh with the Irish accent). 

Afterward, a nightcap in Vines was called for so we all meandered over. At this point, I was dead tired so after a few moments, I was ready to leave. I gave Richard and Siobhan huge hugs. So sad to see them go already! Hopefully, our travels will reunite us next year somewhere in the world. 

Oh wait - while we were in Vines, Kelly and Helaine showed up for their night caps. This is the couple from Mexico. Ok, they aren’t from there but they are currently retired(ish) and living there. In their words, she is a “new York Jew” and he is, “mostly from Miami.” Anyway, the guys got into a rowdy conversation about protecting ourselves from the “damned Chilean pickpockets” who, not only pick your pockets, but also squirt mustard on you or throw babies at you. Frankly, at this point, I hope I see a damned Chilean pickpocket because that sounds like a really good story to tell!! Anyway, Kelly let Jason know how to beat up a damned Chilean pickpocket and then offered to help. This is a dude in his later 70s, probably. Not someone you would think would want to get into a street brawl. But, hey, if it happens and we need a gang, we’ll take it. 

At the end, I said, “Sorry, we have to go. We’re worn out.” This is funny to say as the youngest people by 2 decades. Anyway. Kelly yells out, “You need to get a man who can last longer.” I said, “Where can I find one?” His wife, Helaine, with all the New York Jewish accent you can imagine, screams out, “I wouldn’t know!!!”

Oh, my stomach hurts from the laughing. 

Mallorca by carriage with the Irish

 So, at 10:30 the first day in Mallorca, we rolled into Vines with our wine glasses to return. About 5 minutes later, Richard and Siobhan arrived and announced they’d just woken up about 20 minutes prior! HA! So, we grabbed a seat so they could chug a cup of coffee first like proper, civilized people do. And then, we were off! 

We took the cruise sponsored bus ride to city center. It was about 10 euro each round trip. And by about I mean that’s exactly what it was. Siobhan is a fast walker and a fast payer and darn if she didn’t buy our tickets before we had even gotten to the ticket table! So nice. 

We sat in the back seats of the bus, like the cool kids do. A short ride later, we were dropped aside the marina which was chock full of gorgeous boats of all sizes. Richard had been here many, many years before and told us that in season, this town is awash with tourists and the restaurants and bars are hopping. For this day, though, it was pretty quiet and we were all just fine with that!

We started walking towards the awesome palace and cathedral. We had quite a bit of stairs to walk to get up to them both. Richard had two knee replacements so he was a trooper for that walk, but I’m sure that was a tough climb!! Unlike the US, where there always seem to be accommodation routes or possibilities, here, you could take the stairs or you could just look from below. This is not me thinking the US is better. While I appreciate accommodating disabilities, of course, I also appreciate leaving places untouched, if you will. 

Anyway, while we were taking pictures, Richard wandered off and next thing you know, here he comes riding up in a horse drawn carriage! He talked the driver into giving us an hour tour of the city and he picked up the tab. Man! These guys were so generous. 

So, we were off on a carriage ride through the cutest, oldest, charming little Spanish city- complete with tiny alleys, cobblestones, twisty windy side streets and even a bustling modern city center somewhere in there for good measure. What a delightful treat. Our driver would periodically stop to point something out to us. We all just loved it. This little island is floating off shore of mainland Spain and is apparently quite the tourist spot for Europeans, especially Germans for some reason. While I was cloudy again, I appreciated the cooler temps. I would have liked a peak of sunshine to see the city and the sea in all its colors, but maybe another time. 

After, we were ready to eat! We found this perfect little cafe and we sat for hours enjoying delicious food and 3 bottles of wine! I hate to brag, but I’m killing this European thing. Nailed it! We had great conversations with them- laughing our heads off and getting to know each other. I always love this part of life but after 2 years of COVID, it’s pretty freakin’ great. 

After our very European lunch, we were ready to meander back to the ship and have a siesta. We briefly considered staying out longer but since we had 2 days in Mallorca, we headed on back. I mean, we don’t want to be rushed or busy. We’re trying to relax here!!!

Later, we all ran into each other in Vines again and made plans to have one final dinner together the next night. Man! We are so bummed they are getting off the ship this soon. We popped into the show that night before bed because the entertainer is a popular British tv actor and broadway star. I enjoyed the music!