The stressful build up of "may never be there again" itis

I've alluded to this some in previous posts, but I have gotten a little bit of grief for my (mostly mild and mostly joking) complaints about how stressful it is to plan out something like this.

This morning, I read a post by someone I frequently read-- and then I shared it with my dad and we exchanged some thoughts. The idea being discussed was being idle. Intentionally not doing anything. Not in a planning way -- at least that's not what the post this morning was about -- but just the idea of, in between doing other things, to choose to do nothing at all.

As someone who doesn't get bored, I like this notion. I couldn't do it for long because I've got a long list of things I also want to be doing:) But I can do it for short;)

And so here we are -- planning a trip for 50 days. Two things keep flying in my face at once: build in some down time. Every day doesn't have to be scheduled. Some days can have nothing. But also -- YOU MAY NEVER BE THERE AGAIN>>> DO ALL THE STUFF.

As I get older (at the ripe age of 41 while typing this...) I feel this more. This notion that I likely won't be back to places I go visit. Not because I'm not able. I'm perfectly healthy. But because there are just too many other experiences to have. I don't recall ever feeling this when I was young. I always had a notion that I could come back if I wanted to. And indeed, I have been most places more than once, with a few exceptions. I never felt that time was finite. That there wouldn't be another available time for something.

Last night I made the final hotel and plane reservations to ensure that we DO get to see the Great Barrier Reef. I started looking at the activities on the island we'll be going...and the "may never be here again" feelings were all over me. They are very rude. They say things like, "Spend all your money! It's worth it! Once in a lifetime opportunity!"

As I think on it again today, though, I don't want to plan activities there. I am bringing my dive mask and snorkel. I have every confidence that's all I need.

For me, it's always about water. I was telling Jason the other day, you can tell this sabbatical is 100% Rachel because there will not be a single second of it in which we are not either on an island or on a boat. And while it is true that I may never be there again, I believe I'll get equal joy from the days I do things and the days I don't. It's the being there that counts.