The Wisdom of 47 Years

 It appears today is my 47th birthday. I know this because my cabin is decorated with all kinds of birthday things and I spent about 4 minutes last night trying to do the math to figure out how old I am. 47. 

A few weeks ago, I was walking down a hallway in my house when all the sudden it hit me that I’m middle aged. What in the actual hell is going on? How did I not know this was coming on? Why was I shocked to realize it? Also- should I have a mid-life crisis? I can’t decide. 

Today is a beautiful sea day. We realized after taking our first 30+ day cruise that we LOVE sea days. The downtime is so important. You can’t go go go and somehow also soak it all in. You need processing time. So, I just spent the last 2 hours sitting on an open deck at the very back of the ship, sipping drinks and staring at the water. Bright blue sky and big white puffy clouds. It’s quiet in a way that’s unexpected for the open seas. People are talking more quietly, like in silent pre-agreed upon reverence for the joy of the moment. A perfect birthday morning.

Last night at dinner I was saying that I needed to think about the things I’ve learned this year. I always do that. Some years are more chock full of learnings, many of which are painful. That’s really how we learn the most, right? Some years are just sort of processing time. The calm between the go go go years. This year was go go go. 

When I look back on it, it feels far longer than a single year. It began with a bunch of unknowns at work- a re-org was coming. But when? And then sabbatical. Which was amazing and then tragic. And then back into the soup when the reorg really did happen. A new team. A new title. A new level. So much work. And then our renter moved out unexpectedly. And then a house sale that was dramatic and stressful and ugh. And then the harvests. And then some heart wrenching moments over the holidays. I remember feeling distinctly cheated at Christmas time because there was too much drama and stress and angst and then all the sudden it was Christmas and I hadn’t yet had time to sit with the joy and the wonder. To clear my heart, mind, and soul. I felt rushed and ill at ease. I felt like I didn’t get the expectation time. It was just gone before I could even have it.  

In a way, that’s the right ending for a year that was almost exactly that the whole 365 days. Too much all at once. Too fast, too hard, too stressful, too long waiting. Not enough time for the needed joy, the deep breaths, the downtime. A whirlwind year of mini tornados.

What’s interesting about times like these, which of course you only ever see in the rear view, is that all those tornados are clearing a path. A path you never knew you needed or that could even exist. I guess if I have any wisdom in these 47 years, it is that. I still don’t know what path has been open, but I can see it for what it is. And that means that this year will likely be a processing year. I’m here for it. 

One of the most traumatic and dramatic path clearing years I had included: moving across the country, buying a new house, starting a master’s program, my husband moving out and leaving, getting laid off, and trying to support a new mortgage, car payment, and graduate degree with a part time job making $15,000 a year. All that happened in 3 months time the summer of 2002. 

Do I know how to have a good time or what? I was the very ripe age of 26 that summer. You know how much wisdom a 26 year old has? Not enough. I needed my processing year- and boy did I have one.

Let’s not forget the year I started a new job, had 5 bosses in 5 months and then got a new role and boss and never worked harder in my life. Then, my man left me for the proverbial younger woman after a chess match of a year stringing me back and forth. I moved into a completely crappy apartment in a city where I had no friends or family. I spent hours every day walking because I didn’t want to sit in my apartment by myself. I was then 36. I had much more wisdom, but I needed a processing year. And, I got it.

Seems like these things are happening every 10 years. But this year, the tide has changed. The wisdom and the learnings are enough to ensure it. I still needed a path cleared- and I’m not sure why yet but I confident that it’s a good thing. My man is right by my side, where he belongs. Things are looking up- even when things are hard, we feel blessed. 

All that to say, I guess I’ve learned:

• If you hang on to things that don’t serve you well, eventually they’ll be ripped away. It doesn’t feel good at the time, but it’s necessary for your future happiness.
• No matter how hard you try, things will just keep right on changing. Don’t try to keep them the same. Change is helping you move down a path. 
• Be open to new friends. New friends let you be the new you you’re becoming. There is no expectation or judging. You’re just the you that you are every day. This is not to speak badly of old friends - who are so important. It’s just that at critical change moments, new friends seem to show up to escort you into your new self. It’s beautiful. Shout out to Sara! Sometimes you just need to live and breathe and think new thoughts without worry of people wondering who you are and why you’re doing what you’re doing.
• Do the stuff you said you wanted to do. There is no right time. There is no “bucket list”. There is no “maybe when…” Did you wake up today? There is today. 
• Release the stuff that bugs the sh!t out of you. Let it go. Drop it off. Run away from it. Don’t know how? Go get help. This is different for everyone, so I can’t tell you how. What works for me is deciding I don’t want whatever it is in my daily life anymore and then I get ruthless about getting away from it. This is a CHOICE you have to make every single day until it’s so normal you forget about it. We forget we have choices. We become slaves to things we don’t even like or want. As the Eagles song goes, “we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.” You don’t have to live like that. 
• Be nicer to people. Are there stupid people? Yes. Do they suck? They really do. Can you choose to still be a nice person? Absolutely you can. Should you waste your energy on them? No. Should you welcome them into your inner circles? No. But you can be polite. Civil. Kind. 
• Ask for what you want. Not in a rude way- don’t be that entitled person demanding everything you’ve ever wanted. But show up for yourself. Ask for what you want. Let people know what you’re working on and if there is a way they can help. This is not some one man show where we’re all working to be the last man standing. We’re built for community. You get to decide how big your community is and who is in it. Call on your people. Answer when they call on you. The things you want are likely attainable. Let people help you. 
• Praise people. Build them up. Maybe you’ll be the one nice thing they think of at the end of the day when they lay down to sleep. Maybe you’ll be the one thing they remember on the worst of days when it feels too hard to get out of bed. You’ll likely never know this. You have to do it with no expectation of thanks or glory. You do it because it’s right. You do it for the sole chance that you get to be the bright light today. What a gift- to be the light. BE THE LIGHT.
• Get out of your own damned head and get out of your tiny little circle. Broaden your world. Let people in. Stop being so ready to correct people. Stop being so determined for people to know you’re right. Be determined for people to know you care. Be determined for people to know you’ll listen. Be determined to admit you’re often dead wrong. If you don’t have a handful of friends who are nothing like you, go get some. Friends of different ages, colors, political views, education levels, monetary standing, countries of birth or current living situation. The best way to see how wrong you are about so many things, is to experience more of the world. And really, do you want to be so wrong about so many things? No, you don’t. 

Thanks for being a part of my circle for another year. I couldn’t have made it this far or be this happy without your love and friendship. Cheers to 47 years! 

Coming Face to Face with Dragan

 Guys.

For real.

The title happened this morning.

You will love this.

Now, if you don’t remember how we first met Dragan, go back and read the post on establishing the underground smuggling ring. But the gist of it is, Dragan is the one in the back office that helped connect the dots between Jason and James in Vines (and later Ginny) and everything we were trying to move through the underground into the quarantine cabin. The first of which was toothpaste shortly followed by wine. Which should always be the opposite order, BTW, but when one hasn’t brushed in 3 days, one no longer cares about things like logic and tastebuds. 

A few days ago, we discovered that Dragan was still on the Regal. And so it was going to be a matter of time before the glorious meeting would occur. Today was the day.

The gang met up around 9 in the Princess Live theater to get the scoop about being “in transit” tomorrow. This means we have the pleasure of being 6 of the 348 people who are staying on the ship for another cruise. We’re good at this - we did 3 back to back cruises last spring. You never know what the country of disembarkation/embarkation will require - hence the meeting to find out. By the way, the country in question this time is the US, which means the rules are stupid. We all have to get off. Wait an hour. Then get back on. If we don’t immediately get back on, then we have to wait until all the new people get on. You know. Logic. Whatever.

So, Ginny, Mike, Dianna and I are all sitting in the theater. Jason was ordering a coffee outside and who knows where Rich was. Jason comes in and whispers, “Dragan is here.” I gasp with the correct amount of appropriateness. I’m looking around. Jason whispers again, “He’s at the side door. I told him to wait for us. To meet you.” 

YESSSSSSSS!!!!

So, the moment comes. We walk out and there he is! I recognize him immediately because Jason said, “There he is.” Lol. Remember, I never saw him. But the second I heard his voice, I knew it was the man on the other end of the phone promising I’d get my toothpaste. And wine. 

So Jason said, “Ok, so you may not remember our story - but you are very famous in our lives and honestly, in the world.” Dragan cocks his head to one side, as though he’s trying to remember. Jason said, “Last spring, you helped us establish an underground smuggling ring…” and a big smile broke out.

Dragan said, “Let me see if I can remember. You tested positive and were in quarantine. Having a hard time…”

I said, “YES! And you made it possible for us to get things to each other.”

Then Ginny pipes up, “Yeah, and it really got good when Jason also went into quarantine and the New Mexican Mule had to step up - that’s me! I dropped the goods then.”

We all laughed and laughed. 

He was so happy to know we all came back.We were so happy to hear about his promotion (ahem!!) He’s now an officer on the boat. See kids? Forming an underground smuggling ring is a legitimate step in one’s career path. I say this with authority, of course, as a Director of Career Development. I know what’s up. 

We took a photo together. My hair is straight up Caribbean humidity whack but you can see how happy I am.

I really didn’t think I’d ever meet Dragan. Shoot, half the cruise last spring I was convinced he was merely an enigma. A ghost. A vapor? What’s cooler than those things? Whatever it is - that’s what he was.

What an absolute pleasure to get to tell him in person how much he meant to us! Thank the people that rock your world- you won’t always get a chance to later. 

Jose from Portugal (Joe-say)

 The other night, we were walking through the dining room with the gang. If you’ve done this on a cruise, you know that at times there are waiters and maitre des and chefs and random other people sometimes standing there as you pass by like a big welcome committee. This makes me think of Beauty and the Beast when they start the Be Our Guest song with, “The Dining Room proudly presents….your dinner!”

This particular night we were half way through the greetings when all the sudden a man yells to Jason, “Sir! Welcome back, Sir! So good to see you!!” Jason turned to see who it was and said, “JOSE!!” I turned and certainly recognized his face but wasn’t sure how those two were so connected. 

We got to the table and sat down. Jason said, “Babe! That was Jose!!” I said, yes, I recognize him….?

GET THIS. Jose was the man that Jason found in the dining room when I was about 20 hours into the clink and had yet to get any food. He said - I need your help. Jose said, “Yes, sir.” And from there, I was the only room in the clink getting food from the dining room. This is a big deal because unlike some other cruises, you cannot get dining room food delivered anywhere, including your room. The room service menu is completely different. Of course, in the clink days, I couldn’t get that either, hence the problem. 

It was a tiny glimmer of goodness in otherwise extremely miserable and long days. Because Jose listened and said, “I will help you.” He wasn’t the first person Jason asked. But he was the one who listened.

YAY for JOSE! 

So, what a delight to see him again. He was the main speaker at the grand wine tasting the other day. He was in the dining room last night. We see him everywhere. He comes right over to talk. He actually slipped us past the long line at the wine tasting. It’s great to make friends, right? 

He told a funny story and apparently common joke amongst the Portuguese and Spanish. He was teaching how you know if your wine is corked and a little bit about corks in general. He said, “Yeah, sure, you need to store the wine on its side at the right temperature. But also, if the cork is from Spain- it’s bad.”

Well. We happened to have brought a bottle of wine with us that we bought in Spain when Rich, Jason and I were all stuck there. (Side note- Mike and Dianna were also stuck but in another hotel) We opened it last night and as I was pulling the corkscrew out, the cork broke. I tried again. Broke again. Then a third time, which I’d never seen. Finally, it was out and we tasted it. Hmmm. Not so good.

Damn those Spanish corks. 

When we saw Jose at dinner last night we told him and he doubled over laughing. So good to see the crew laughing and having fun again! 

It’s Like Some Weird Version Of Dejavu

 You cannot understand how surreal it is to be on this ship again. Periodically, we see a crew member that was on board last spring with us. You get to know people you are with for 36 days. The other night, Ginny went to the front desk and discovered that Dragan is on ship! Dragan, who once helped establish the underground smuggling ring that allowed me to get toothpaste 3 days into the clink AND then made the bottles of wine appear every night. We still haven’t seen him- but it’s comforting knowing he’s here. I hope we can all see him and get a selfie. 

We’ve been slowly finding out that lots of crew have been promoted. Not to brag, but I’m pretty sure we helped with that. I mean, I wrote 5 paragraph essays on these people when we left. You know I am not kidding. I think I need a t-shirt that says something like, “Be my friend. I will get your promoted.” That seems to cut right to the chase. Our good buddy Ecer, who once burst open the time capsule and finally got our post cards shipped out was promoted and is now on the same ship as James! Dragan himself was promoted. Isn’t this great? Damn. I feel awesome about this.

So all that is good. But like I said, it is very surreal. One year ago, things were so different. We were still terrorized by COVID. There were masks and required tests and fear of quarantine or being refused a seat on the plane home. There was constantly changing rules in every country. 

And, there was a whole lot more quiet. More gratitude. More story telling. People were just thankful to be out. Thankful for us to come see their shops and buy cups of coffee. People just wanted to connect and be together again and we couldn’t quite yet freely do that. But even so, what we could do - just being on the ship and traveling again - was amazing. 

This feels a bit like the former life. Pre-pandemic. Where people are already forgetting their manners and their gratitude. Where they’d rather whine about slow service than be thrilled to be sitting on a gorgeous ship sailing perfectly calm seas. And maybe some of this is my own bias towards the stereotype of the loud, rude American…but damn. There are some loud, rude Americans on this trip! 

I find myself longing for the Regal of Spring 2022. The quiet spaces with people reading and sipping coffee. The beautiful, soft music. Less people in any given place. Good conversations.

It’s interesting because this is all juxtaposed with not having to worry about COVID. No masking. No testing. No new rules to try super hard to follow each stop so we don’t end up in the land clink. 

I guess I’m wondering - is it that we didn’t learn anything from these hideous last couple of years? Or is it that those years changed us- and not in all too flattering ways? Or am I just old now? Stuck in a nostalgia cycle of wishing to get back what’s long gone?

Now, don’t read this and think we’re not having a great time. We totally are! It’s SO fun to be back with Rich and Ginny and Mike and Dianna. The sea is calm and it’s warm this time, which is allowing us to spend far more time outside than we could last spring. 

I think, as always for me, I’m just processing all these thoughts and feelings that got stuck without quiet time and space to ponder. I always do my best thinking when I’m able to freely wander and do whatever I want during a day (as opposed to waking and being in a set routine at home). 

What I know for sure, though, is regardless of some of these yahoos on board, I am SO thankful. Eternally grateful for these moments and friendships. For being able to see the world, which is still lovely and thrilling. For chances to reclaim moments that didn’t go the way I wanted. It is like some weird version of dejavu where you’ve sorta been there before but it’s not quite the same!

The Regal Princess, Take Two

346 days ago, exactly, Jason and I stepped foot onto the Regal Princess in Fort Lauderdale, Florida for a 36 night journey across the Atlantic and through the Mediterranean. Immediately upon boarding, we found ourselves in a lovely wine bar called Vines. We had 2 gin and tonics that were made Thurman style- strong and with plenty of lime. Our bartender was a man named James.

If you’re a regular blog reader or even mildly know us, you remember how those 36 nights ended up going. And the 8 more we had to stay in Barcelona after disembarking.

Sometimes people ask me if I would do it again, knowing now how it ended. The answer is yes. Though it would hurt again and I sure would skip that last part again if I could.

Last summer, our friends from that cruise, Rich and Ginny, told us they were planning another cruise for their 55th anniversary and asked if we’d like to come along. Well, of course we would … if we could.

2022 continued to be a long, slow kick in the teeth but finally- right before Christmas, everything finally seemed to resolve. Grape harvest was done and barreled down. Olive harvest was done and barreled down. The Texas house sale concluded. All the money somehow worked. Hallelujah. Let’s Party. So, we called our favorite American Airlines Cruise planner to see if there was any way she could get us on the ship for Rich and Ginny’s cruise. Sadly, we learned Julie wasn’t there anymore but through some series of amazing luck (ahem- thank you, Lord!) suddenly we were signed up! 

And so, 3 days ago, we again boarded the Regal. We went straight to Vines for gin and tonics but sadly, James wasn’t there. We knew this- because we’ve stayed friends and we were delighted to hear he’d been promoted and moved to another ship. Yay for James. Sad for us. Know what? We were looking forward to seeing his smile. He wore a mask 100% of the time on the last trip. Crazy to think we talked to him every day and only ever saw his eyes!

But- waiting in Vines were Rich and Ginny and Mike and Dianna and it was an awesome reunion! We had a gin and tonic and then headed off up 7 flights of stairs to find our new cabin and get settled in.

There were 2 specific places I wanted to go to on the boat, other than Vines. Places I wanted to have a do-over moment at. One was E314- my quarantine cabin, which took 6 days of joy away from me. The other was the couch on the very back bar patio where I was sitting when they found me and told me I had to come into quarantine. I feel haunted by both spots and was very anxious to see them again and breathe a sigh of relief that this time wouldn’t be like that. And, hopefully, never again will I experience that.

Here we are at both!